Throne Breaker Maul, Battle Ready Viking War Hammer. Artifact Weapon of Legend. for Sale

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Throne Breaker Maul, Battle Ready Viking War Hammer. Artifact Weapon of Legend. For Sale

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Throne Breaker Maul, Battle Ready Viking War Hammer. Artifact Weapon of Legend.:
$1800.00

Attention all aspiring Vikings and barbarians! Are you tired of wielding those feeble hammers that couldn't even dent a tin can, let alone strike fear into the hearts of your enemies? Are you tired of blending into the background at the renaissance fair while others steal the show with their flashy swords and gleaming armor? Well, brace yourselves, because we've got something that'll make you stand out like a majestic unicorn at a donkey convention. Buckle up, buttercup, because the Throne Breaker Maul is here to make you feel like Thor's distant cousin.Of all the hammers crafted throughout time, none can compare to the magnificence of the Throne Breaker Maul. It's not just a weapon – it's a force of nature. With each thunderous swing, you'll feel the power coursing through your veins like a lightning bolt from the gods themselves. Need to carve a path through a crowd? Just give the Throne Breaker a few swings and watch as bystanders part like the Red Sea. I've even found it handy for skipping the line at the local coffee shop downtown.Crafted from the heartwood of a black elm for its head and with braided leather-wrapped oak for its handle, this mighty beast is as sturdy as it is striking. Worried about splinters? Ha! I've meticulously sanded and smoothed every inch of this mighty maul, ensuring that your grip is as comfortable as it is formidable. And with its warm, polished finish, it's practically irresistible to the touch.Concerned about durability? Fear not! This bad boy is tougher than woodpecker lips and guaranteed to outlast your last relationship.It's hard to put into words the sheer dominance you'll feel wielding this behemoth. Holding it is intoxicating – almost dangerously so. It makes me feel like I should fight a rhinoceros to the death or test its power against a car door just to watch the car slide sideways like in a cartoon. The moment I gripped this hammer, I'm pretty sure I grew 6 inches. (ahem... in height), and I'm fairly certain I could fight crime with it, like a barbarian version of Batman. It might even be magical, though I have no way of testing that. What I do know is that with each swing, you'll unleash a tidal wave of bestial power that'll send your enemies fleeing and the admirers flocking to your side. Forget pickup lines – just brandish the Throne Breaker and watch the sparks fly! I'm convinced my wife only married me because she saw me carrying it around and looking like a badass. But wait, there's more! Order now and receive a complimentary ticket to the gun show* – because let's face it, when you're wielding the Throne Breaker, you'll be flexing muscles you never knew existed!So why delay? Embrace your inner barbarian, unleash the beast, and claim your Throne Breaker Maul today! Because let's face it – when you're swinging a giant war hammer, there's no room for subtlety. It's go big or go home, and when it comes to dominating the battlefield, size does matter – especially when it's made of wood!
*Disclaimer: The ticket to the gun show is not actually redeemable for admission to a physical event. We're talking about your biceps, people – keep it classy! ** MAULS DIMENSIONS **total length - 42 1/2" or 42.5"
hammers head - 9 5/8" x 6 1/4" x 5 3/8" or 9.625" x 6.25" x 5.375" ... Black Elm
handle length - 35 7/8" or 35.875" ... White Oak wrapped with genuine leather, rabbit fur, and metal studs
weight - 7.2 lbs